Hey, blog! I just got back from Felicia Day’s book event and was inspired to write a blog post. Dusting this thing off. I never designed the comments section, so tonight it’s monoblast.

So. I feel uncomfortable with “fan” events because I don’t like the inherent pedestal that it involves. I’d much rather have a conversation with someone I respect and who inspires me; the whole autograph-and-selfie thing is a weird aspect of our culture. I’m sure the other 200+ people in the room would also prefer the long conversation, which is why it’s not possible, right?

Wil Wheaton has talked about trying to give each person in a massive con signing line their moment, even though it’s exhausting. I’ve noticed that there’s a technique where the person signing things will try to instantly connect with you based on something they notice that stands out, because you really only have a few seconds and because often the people in line are nervous and inarticulate when meeting someone they admire.

Tonight, Felicia was on fire in the signing line, churning through a line that tripled back on itself in the few minutes before the event started. I was one of the very last people in line, in part because I tried to go to the wrong venue. So Felicia gets to me and is all bubbly and conversational; she says my name and signs my book before I even know what’s going on.

Me: “Thank you!”

Posing for photo. “You’re really tall!”

“Thank you.” I start to walk away.

“I like your hair!” she calls after me, still trying.

“Thank you!” I laugh.

So… everything I had thought to express got reduced to three thank yous. Not: “Thank you for writing about depression, I find that very brave and inspiring.” Not: “Please bring Pandora Boxx onto Tabletop next season, she’s a gamer and a drag queen!” Not even: “Hey, I like Co-optitude!” Nope. Just thank you. And a bit later, a creeping disappointment as I wish I had shown Felicia a bit more of myself than just my height.

 

 

One of the things that Felicia talked about during the event, in the context of auditioning for commercials, was that she was frustrated by how she was judged and categorized by just her surface attributes. “Pick a redhead.” She wanted to be seen and acknowledged for all the things on the inside that make her an individual, and her whole career has been characterized by her pioneering a new path to make that happen.

Similarly, I want to be seen, or known, for all the interesting things I have on the inside. But if I never open up to people or share who I am or bring life to all the creative ideas that are in my head, then who could ever know? The thing that people will see is “tall.” I would hate to get to the end of my life and have the most memorable thing be my height.

Anyway, I’ll sort out the blog design thing later. I have a book to read.

So really, I’m just trying to add a second post. I don’t have any specific thing I’d like to do, but I’d like to write something that is long enough that it actually looks like a blog post. This shouldn’t be too bad. I’m wordy, and I can be wordy when I wanna be. Don’t worry about that one, no no no.

Well, maybe worry a little bit.

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